(CW: Please don’t take the presence of a Pygmy character as an opportunity to post racist/racialist nonsense. Every race deserves to appear at least once in this series so please don’t ruin it. End Transmission.)

Lord Huinitenuchli of Xlanhuapec is worried. Despite the Lizardmen crushing the indigenous Lustrians known as the Pygmies a long time ago, so much so in fact that many Pygmies turned to worshipping the Slaan, word is spreading through Xlanhuapec of a rising star within the indigenous tribes. A warrior who openly challenges cold-blooded supremacy on the continent is making a name for himself, calling for a united rebellion of Pygmies and their Amazon sisters (many of which were grieving after Anakonda was killed) to rise up and vanquish their Lizard overlords from Lustria.

Brudda Bob stands out compared to most Pygmies. He is much taller than the usual Pygmy, standing at a height of 6 feet and 4 inches and seems to have traded in the bear-belly most Pygmies are known for in favour of a more muscular physique. Word has it he has been blessed by the Pygmy gods, Brobat and Beesbok and that he was able to wrestle a Feral Cold One, no mean feat for a Pygmy.

Of course, Huinitenuchli doesn’t believe in Pygmy Gods. Brudda Bob is no holy warrior, he just has a messiah complex as the Slaan sees it. And when it comes to messiahs, you tend not to need to fight their armies. If you can prove they can be beaten, their followers will disband. Following this logic, Huinitenuchli has summoned the chameleon skink Oxyotl to travel to Brudda Bob’s tribe and kill him. If his followers see their blessed hero get shot by a poison dart, it will surely shatter their resolve and end their uprising before it even begins.

And so Oxyotl travelled to the camp, blow dart in hand to assassinate the Pygmy Chieftain. How will it go down?

Wow React – Oxyotl watched as Brudda Bob stood by a campfire, speaking of his dreams of a free Lustria. Oxyotl waited in the darkness until Bob decided to sit down, at this point the Lizardman fired his dart and killed Brudda Bob. The other Pygmies assumed their Chieftain had just fallen into a drunken stupor after telling too many tales, by the time they realised he was actually dead and not simply hungover, Oxyotl was long gone.

Laugh React – Brudda Bob is shot at but jumped out of the way at the last second, thereby causing the poison dart to hit his shoulder rather than his heart. At this moment the Pygmies went into a frenzy and pursued the assailant, forcing Oxyotl to flee without finishing the job.

Angry React – Brudda Bob is shot at mid-speech in the chest. The pygmies turn in anger and many of them begin to chase after Oxyotl. Eventually, Oxyotl is caught by a pack of Pygmy gorillas and is mauled to death by them. However, all is not right for Brudda Bob. As he asked for a witch doctor to tend to his wound, all the pygmies around him instead turned violent and began to tear apart him limb from limb. He may not have been killed by Oxyotl but his being shot in the chest proved to the other Pygmies that he was not their saviour sent by the gods and Pygmy warriors do not appreciate being lied to.

Sad React – Brudda Bob is shot at mid-speech in the chest. In order to evade being captured Oxyotl was forced to flee from the encounter or risk being caught by the Pygmies. However, after witnessing Brudda Bob bleeding, all the pygmies started attacking him for being a false messiah. Even though Oxyotl failed to kill Brudda Bob, he was dead by the time the chameleon skink returned to Xlanhuapec nonetheless.

Love React – Brudda Bob sensed the chameleon skink’s presence and lifted his shield as Oxyotl fired at him. At this moment Bob leapt into the bushes and grabbed the skink, disarming him and stabbing Oxyotl repeatedly with his blade.

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