“And if that lunatic Bullywick comes knocking again, tell him I’ve gone on manoeuvres! In Kislev! FOR A YEAR!” Grand Marshall Kurt Helborg yelled at an officer from inside his barracks in Altdorf. However, Helborg and the officer were not alone for Sir Bullywick Applebag, the Advocate for the Rights of Halflings, was standing outside the room and about to knock on the door when he heard Helborg’s shouts from inside the room.

Applebag turned around dejectedly. All he wanted was for his people to be properly represented within the armies of men. He may be short, but halflings were people too. And what kind of outrage was it for the Imperial military to create a regiment known as the High Helms which only allowed men who were at least 6’6″ (1.98 m) to enter? This was pure discrimination! “But what about Lumpin Croop’s Fighting Cocks?” Bulllywick had asked so many times only to hear military officers laugh in his face at the suggestion they should respect the Small Footers based on a single regiment of criminals and mercenaries. If this injustice was ever going to end, Bullywick knew he would need something big to happen, something that would prove his people’s worth in battle, regardless of how fair the circumstances may or not be.

Bullywick travelled back to the Moot, the only place children and adults alike wouldn’t stare at him as he simply tried to mind his own business walking down the street. When he got to the Moot, Bullywick decided to pay Oskar Madravvin, the gossiping ferryman, a visit. “I wish there was some way we could prove our worth to the Big Footers. It’s not enough to be as good as the average state trooper, I need to prove we can do something that even the Big Footers can’t!” “Well, if you are that desperate Bullywick….you could always have a go at Anark.” Madravvin joked, clearly as a subtle means of displaying how futile Applebag’s ambitions were. “Who’s that?” Bullywick asked. “Anark Von Carstein is a Vampire Lord and a Blood Knight. He’s a fearsome soldier of the Drakenhof Templars, the greatest Blood Knights outside of the Blood Dragons of the Blood Keep, and is said to be in the running to become their next Grandmaster if the templars’ current leader is destroyed. He’s a close ally of Vlad Von Carstein himself though rumour has it he doesn’t get along with Drakenhof’s current ruler Mannfred. He’s been fighting some war for Mannfred against a Southener, Lupio Sunscryer I think, as of late and if the whispers I have heard are right, which they always are, his posting in the South should be ending soon. If you are that desperate to prove your worth, you could always try to intercept the blood knight’s journey back to Sylvania. Most big footers can’t.” Oskar said as he expected reality to slap Bullywick in the face but instead, the zealous activist simply thanked the ferryman for the information and tossed him a few coins for his time.

And so the race was on, Bullywick had a week before the Blood Knight was discharged from the skirmish against the Estalians to find a champion and get him over to the mountainous road between the Southern Realms and Sylvania. There’s only one problem, who’s ever heard of a Halfling champion fighter? Bullywick first hoped to recruit Lumpin Croop’s regiment but they turned him down. From there, he embarked on a day-long journey to Bögenhafen, located between Altdorf and Montfort. When he got there Bullywick made contact with Matchwicke Greenthistle, the head of the Greenthistle Clan and secretly, the head of the Halfling Thieves Guild. Matchwicke was originally puzzled by why Bullywicke had come to him. He was hardly a military figure and more importantly, all the Greenthistle Halflings cared about was getting revenge on the Rumster Clan which had forced them out of Nuln. Before that, Rumster had forced them out of Altdorf but now that most of Altdorf laid in rubble, nobody much cared what a clan of halflings were doing there.

Bullywick replied that he was well aware there was no single halfling that could slay a Blood Knight. Instead, he had a far more ingenious plan, to set up a single halfling soldier to pose as fighting the vampire while the halflings of the thieves guild did the real killing in the background. In return, he would pay the Greenthistle Clan so much wealth that the Rumster Clan would have no way of resisting their market takeover in Nuln. Matchwicke liked the idea, both because it would give him the means to get his own back on the Rumsters and beyond that, so he could counter the discrimination he, like all halflings, seemed to encounter. The fact the circumstances of the counter were totally fallacious barely mattered to him. Matchwicke gave Bullywick the contact details of two of his greatest operatives and told him where he could find them: Murdbelly Furrows, a thief based in Stirland and Molly Scrumper, a thief turned spy based in Averland. However, before travelling East, Bullywick travelled to Marienburg where Matchwicke had told him of a halfling salesman named Fidelius Cloverhill who could sell him a breastplate and a sword as strong as that of an Imperial state trooper’s blade measured to fit the bodily dimensions of a halfling.

Once Bullywick had bought the breastplate and sword and travelled to Stirland and Averland to recruit the thieves, his attention then turned to who he was going to set up as the vampire-slaying hero. Bullywick returned to the Moot to ask the ferryman if he had any ideas and like always, the ferryman had plenty of gossip to share. Over in Talabheim, a fairly jovial middle-aged Small Footer named Bogie Crumpot had recently applied to join his local militia since he hoped to get away from home and travel only to be turned down by local recruiters for his size. Bullywick had hoped to recruit a younger, more handsome halfling, a perfect candidate to become a celebrity but with time running out, Bullywick travelled to Talabheim after recruiting 3 halfling chefs who hoped the travelling opportunities would enable them to pick rich herbs and spices for their cuisine along the way. When Bullywick entered Crumpot’s home, Bogie seemed appropriately wary. “You want me to slay a vampire? But, aren’t they dangerous? And, you say this vampire is called a Blood Knight too? That sounds even worse to me, my lord…uhh…sir?”

“Oh no, you would be surprised really. You’re getting mixed up with Sanguine Knights I think. No, despite their ominous sounding names, blood knights are among the weakest of vampires, barely any tougher than a dire wolf I assure you.” Bullywick lied through his teeth in response.

“I don’t know good sir, it all sounds a bit risky to me.”

“Are you calling me a liar, Mr Crumpot?”

“Oh no sir, of course not. I would not dare do such a thing, certainly not in the confines of my own home.”

“Tell me Mr Crumpot, your house seems rather bare. Have you lived here long?”

“Uhmm, no sir. I’m afraid I lost my last place. I couldn’t keep up on the rents.”

“I am most sorry to hear that Mr Crumpot. Tell me, are you married?”

“No sir, my wife Karen left me shortly after we lost the home … and she took the kids with her.”

“So you are all alone now. And I assume you remain unemployed?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well then, if I may speak frankly on this matter, I feel like asking you what you truly have to lose at this point, Mr Crumpot? Besides, am I not being truly generous to you with this offer? I am giving you the opportunity to prove yourself to that local recruiter, to your neighbours and if I may be so bold, you will quickly forget the pain you have experienced when you become the talk of the town among the big-footed women of this city.”

And so the conversation went on until finally Bullywick broke through Bogie’s inhibitions. Bullywick travelled back to the Moot to await news from the others, for he was hardly going to fight himself but he was hopeful that the halflings he had recruited would pull through. Boggie Crumpot, armed with his shortened state trooper’s sword and breastplate, the thieves Molly Scrumper and Murbelly Furrows both armed with daggers and light armour and the 3 chefts travelled to the forest-covered road through the mountain pass from the Southern Realms to Sylvania. Anark was likely to travel passed soon so they didn’t have long to prepare. The two thieves set up a net on the road which was bound to a tree branch and the two thieves held out a tripwire between themselves from which they intended to trip the vampire up from his horse into the net while Boggie hid behind another tree. Meanwhile, two chefs seemed to be boiling some kind of stew while the other was tying some ropes to 2 trees as some kind of make-shift slingshot.

– Laugh React: The halflings stayed hidden behind their trees for almost two hours and never encountered the vampire knight. It later transpired they had set their trap up on the wrong road and Anark had reached Sylvania already.

– Love React: Anark approached and the thieves pulled tightly on the tripwire, causing his horse to keel over the string and sending Anark flying into the net trap. As he attempted to stand, he triggered the net’s function which caused the vampire to be whipped upside down and held aloft in the air. His steed stood up and prepared to attack the thieves when the chefs suddenly fired their hot pot slingshot contraption. The pot flew through the air and knocked the steed’s head off. Anark swung angrily inside the net as he attempted to get free but before he could gain his freedom, Bogie Crumpot ran over and planted his sword into the vampire’s skull.

– Angry React: Anark approached and the thieves pulled tightly on the tripwire, causing his horse to keel over the string and sending Anark flying into the area of the net trap. As he attempted to stand, he triggered the net’s function which caused the vampire to be whipped upside down and held aloft in the air. Anark swung angrily inside the net as he attempted to get free as Bogie Crumpot ran towards him with his sword. However, before he could ever reach the vampire in the net, Anark’s steed stood up and attacked him, viciously clobbering him with its hooves. Eventually, Anark used the sharpened aspects of his armour to cut through the net and landed on the ground. The two thieves pulled out their daggers and ran at him only to be cut down before they could even get within arm’s distance of him. With this done, the steed galloped over to him so that he could charge the chefs down. They fired off a hot pot which Anark and his horse effortlessly avoided before proceeding to kill all 3 of them as well.

– Wow React: Anark approached the trap but thanks to his keen senses he was able to spot the tripwire. As such, rather than falling for the trap, Anark sped up and jumped over the wire before circling around to stab both of the thieves. Bogie Crumpot left his hiding spot to attack Anark only for Crumpot to misstep and get caught by the thieves’ net, allowing Anark to finish him with a single stab. However, with all this going on, Anark lost sight of the chefs who proceeded to fire their hot pot straight at his head, knocking him off his horse and drenching his whole body in the pot’s content, causing him to flee before getting drenched again. Sir Bullywick felt rather embarassed the next day when he discovered that his great plan to mend people’s stereotypes of halflings had been accomplished by three nameless chefs and a pot of spicy stew. Things never change it seems.

– Sad React: Anark approached and the thieves pulled tightly on the tripwire, causing his horse to keel over the string and sending both Anark and his horse flying into the net trap. As his horse attempted to stand, it triggered the net’s function which caused the vampire to be whipped upside down and held aloft in the air. Boggie Crumpot ran at the vampire with his sword as Anark swung angrily inside the net. However, before Bogie could stab Anark, the vampire was able to cut through the net’s ropes and land on the ground. Bogie charged only to be kicked back by the vampire who was more interested in killing the thieves that tripped him up at the time. As Mr Scrumpot watched both the thieves and the 3 chefs being killed, Boggie decided to turn tail and ran away, unfastening his breastplate and dropping his sword so his tiny legs could get him away from the battlefield as fast as possible as he yelled “WEAKER THAN A DIRE WOLF MY ARSE!”